It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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