im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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