I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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