I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
