Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
