Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
