OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Randomize
