OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize