my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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