...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
