We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
