Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
