All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
