If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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