you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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