OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
They took my balls.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
