george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
