So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
