Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
It's official drugs can't kill me
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
