I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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