So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
