but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
