end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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