no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
