I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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