Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
