Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
