she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
