Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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