in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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