I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
