Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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