I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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