so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
