He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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