your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
