my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
