How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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