i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize