Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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