On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
