They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
