You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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