once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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