I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
