u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
