You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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