Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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