Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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