WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize