We're facebook friends in real life
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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