I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
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