i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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