So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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