I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
