I just saw a hot homeless man
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize