Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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