My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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