You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
