Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
