please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
