You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
